i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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