I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
