just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
