How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
