I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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