yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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