I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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