between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
