he wants to bone in the snuggie
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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