Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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