I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
