Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
