Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
