is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Alive.
So much puke
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
