im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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