is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You are the jesus of drinking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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