remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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