Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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