In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
