i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
