I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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