I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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