then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
