Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
