I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
