well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
