Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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