i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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