I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
