Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
