Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
