I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
