this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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