This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
