You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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