Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
