he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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