i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize