sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's great music for shaving your balls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
