how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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