Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
