We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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