His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
