umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A bitchslap is in order.
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