I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize