FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize