awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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