I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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