brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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