wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
