I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize