I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
