That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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