Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is wine microwaveable?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
