sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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