I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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