just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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