If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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