Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
