I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
