You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
