Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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