soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
