5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
