I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
