im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
