Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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