I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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