You made me cry and you don't even care
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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