I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
