Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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