Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
