are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
