its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we're making bets on your personal life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
