I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Panties = found
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
