smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
