1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
