No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
