and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
