He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
