I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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