"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
