OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
