good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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