I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
