she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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