If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
