Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
