Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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