You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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