got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
