I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
