they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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