I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
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